1. |
F.I.
01:09
|
|||
I wanna opt out of a scenario where we pretend
It’s fine to be living in a hell of a shit show
I just think it’s really fucking incredible how I’m working overtime, disentangling my worth and my cash flow
Maybe I’m fundamentally incompatible with whatever it is we’re trying
But, I don’t think I’m the only one
|
||||
2. |
MDA
03:54
|
|||
A broken heart, a shitty year
So, let’s digest the souvenirs
Yeah, tonight I’m feeling lovely and wholesome, chemically induced
My callosum, from hemisphere to hemisphere carries love
I need a beer and a meaningful and real conversation, with a proper dose of touch and flirtation
They said ‘love your cortex, get high on life’
You know, I’ve tried all that
But shit got harder, but I got pleasure on the way
Feels like my eyes are gonna pop out every single fucking day
Shit, I got water, took what could be MDA
Feels like my eyes are gonna pop out, my eyes are gonna pop out
So, grind your teeth and rub my back
I’m waiting for that heart attack, cause this vibe is a vibe to fucking die for
Lemme open up like those veterans, let’s get clinical
Let’s get better and find my true self and prosper
Transcend, like a Zen motherfucker
They said ‘love your cortex, get high on life’
You know, I tried all that
But shit got harder, but I got pleasure on the way
Feels like my eyes are gonna pop out every single fucking day
Shit, I got water, took what could be MDA
Feels like my eyes are gonna pop out, my eyes are gonna pop out
Well, shit got harder and harder, but I’ll find a way
Let me just sweat this one out
Let me out of this place
Well, shit got harder and harder, but I’ll find a way
Let me sweat just this one out
Sweat this one out
Shit got harder, but I got pleasure on the way
Feels like my eyes are gonna pop out every single fucking day
Shit, I got water, took what could be MDA
I’ve got some memories to block out, so something’s gotta pop out
|
||||
3. |
The Big Bucks
03:00
|
|||
Another death in the family, another price on a head, another chance to look back, appreciate what we had
It was a crime, it was murder, but no one really got caught
The ashes in the ocean, but the ashes were yachts
And that death was a life’s work, gone just like that
Sold the house that you built, couldn’t cover the debt
Tried to climb up ladder, but they wanted you to drown
Told you to stay in your place
They tore the whole thing down
Now, it’s Monday and you woke up at noon, because on Sundays you’re working under the moon, while some dumb rich asshole is rakin’ in the big bucks while he’s sleepin’ in
Sometimes you’ll think it was you and it just wasn’t enough
But hey, believe me they want you, ‘till your spirits are crushed
So, they’ve robbed you of lifetime that could’ve spent with us
For sigh of relief when the line goes up
Now, it’s Monday and you woke up at noon, because on Sundays you’re working under the moon, while some dumb rich asshole is rakin’ in the big bucks while he’s sleepin’ in
So now you’re breaking your back, and they’re upping the pressure and I can feel the ice start to crack
So, do we keep our heads high and work hard or whatever?
Can you do that again, and bounce back?
Now, it’s Monday and you woke up at noon, because on Sunday you’re working under the moon, while some dumb rich asshole is rakin’ in the big bucks while he’s sleepin’ in
The big bucks
|
||||
4. |
Marissa
03:29
|
|||
Marissa, I don’t have the charisma
Every single fucking thing’s for sale, but I got nothing to sell ya
Do you think it’s unacceptable I’ve been feeling quite expendable?
Bodies in spaces, yeah, I know the deal
You know stuff I could never know
You’re patient, I’m insatiable
You allow yourself to feel the things you feel
But, I can’t think like that
I can’t feel powerless
Sometimes I feel like giving in
Marissa, I don’t have the charisma
Every single fucking thing’s for sale, but I got nothing to sell ya
Wish I could try your life a bit
Wanna be on that freaky Friday shit
A redemption arcade, shooting shit, alright
You remember stuff that I forget
You’re lovely, I’m inadequate
You’re the sunrise that could end my darkest night
Marissa, I don’t have the charisma
Every single fucking thing’s for sale, but i got nothing to sell ya
In this hellscape of an economy, what man can afford to go to therapy?
So, baby, what do you do when you feel alone?
Cause, there’s no comfort in testosterone
Marissa, I really fucking miss ya
I don’t need no fucking bitter pill
No, I think I could try
Marissa, I don’t have the charisma
Every single fucking thing’s for sale, but I got nothing to sell ya
Marissa, I don’t have the charisma
Every single fucking thing’s for sale, but I got nothing to sell ya (I don’t have the charisma, oh Marissa, oh Marissa)
|
||||
5. |
Grind Me into the Paste
02:58
|
|||
I’m passing the big fans pointed at the trucks, filled with living things in crates wishing they were ducks swimming in the pond a couple blocks from my house
But, me?
I have a job that I cannot do without
And so I grit my teeth for 8 hours at a time
Mom & dad said that’s what you’re assigned sometimes
I’ll have it your way
I guess, I’ll spend my better days in this shitty fucking place
Grind me into the paste
I’ll have it your way
I guess, I’ll spend my better days in this shitty fucking place
Grind me into the paste
I’m stacking my boxes, they’re full of body parts
My alienation is off the charts
And when I get home, I’m still a worthless motherfucker
And, yeah, I blame the Bezos, the Gates, and the Zuckers
And so I grit my teeth for 8 hours at a time
I hear machines around me choppin’ and I start to fantasize
I’ll have it your way
I guess I’ll spend my better days in this shitty fucking place
Grind me into the paste
I’ll have it your way
I guess I’ll spend my better days in this shitty fucking place
Grind me into the paste
|
||||
6. |
(Covered in) Scabs
03:28
|
|||
She put tissues in her sock
Broke her shoes in on our walk
My baby and I, nothing to put under our mattress
They’re selling all their stock
Cause, it’s a necessary phase
It’s the dark darkest of days
“I hope you’re ready, you’ve got some shit to carry
You just gotta run and ignore pain”
But, the bootstrap’s a knot
Tried to pull me up, but my hands got caught
Again, I bleed out for what?
For what?
Was gonna start this thing for real
Ready to spin the fucking wheel
But, I guess it’s not my time, I want more than I can ask for
So, what’s the fucking deal with all the riches on TV?
“They want the best for you and me”
I hope you’re ready, your money turned confetti
“You just gotta run, there’s no guarantee”
But, the bootstrap’s a knot
Tried to pull me up, but my hands got caught
Again, I bleed out for what?
But, here I am pulling anyway on a bootstrap, a knot
Tried to pull me up, but my hands got caught
Again, I bleed out for what?
For what?
The panic, it sets in
My blisters, my dead skin I pull off with the band aid
The rent’s due, it can’t wait
My knees hurt and my head spins
I’ll give up, I can’t win
I am, I was always the many, the deadweight
But, the bootstrap’s a knot
Tried to pull me up, but my hands got caught
Again, I bleed out for what?
I tried my best, but I forgot to ask myself for what?
|
||||
7. |
Bombs Away
03:46
|
|||
It’s not hard learn to love the bomb when it ain’t right above your head
Hear a cartoon falling noise increasing in pitch, shadow’s getting bigger like everywhere
There’s a big red X right in front me and I think I could make it out and the sirens say “you’ll end up in a ditch if you don’t get the hell out of there and make mommy proud”
So, the hell out of there and make mommy proud
And it said “bombs away” before I begged for it to work me to the bone
And, whatever is left of me can’t not look at my phone and satisfy a craving for deeper understanding
Why do I feel so alone?
Sometimes I wish I was in the dark
I could’ve bought in to the lie
Made it in some miraculous turn of events, earned 6 figures and died
I could’ve given you all that you’re missing now
I wouldn’t let the world decide whether you truly deserve happiness
Whether things are gonna be alright
So, get the hell outta there and make mommy proud
And it said “bombs away” before I begged for it to work me to the bone
And, whatever is left of me can’t not look at my phone and satisfy a craving for deeper understanding
Why do I feel so alone?
It’s been 12 years since I first saw my father cry in the absence of a clear-cut explanation or a reason why
Like some fucking force of nature, a certain recalibration of all things expendable
|
||||
8. |
Hollow
03:19
|
|||
It’s Thursday night, 10 pm, and I can tell you really wanna pick a fight again
And, with the mom/dad thing as a backdrop, I don’t think I’m doing such bad job
Hey, I might be a little slow and I’m fuckin’ depressing, I know
I need Sufjan, beers, and a bathtub
There’s a light, and a switch, and I know there’s another side
But, until we are past this, I’ll say:
“Baby, I didn’t mean to get under your skin like that
Could you scream into a pillow?
Take a deep breath, maybe count to 10?
Cause, Baby, I feel hollow”
So, there’s you and your ‘shell of man’ and there’s dishes in the sink again
I have sinned and waiting for the rapture
And, if you’re throwin’, then I guess am the catcher
I told ‘Dust’ it was it was the cat and he told me that it looked bad
But, Baby, if it’s blood that you’re after, you’re my queen, you’re my all, you’re my master
There’s a light and a switch, and I know there’s another side
But, until we are past this, I’ll say:
“Baby, I didn’t mean to get under your skin like that
Could you scream into a pillow?
Take a deep breath, maybe count to 10?
Cause, Baby, I feel hollow”
Now we’re a full year down the line, and I thought I saw you that one time
Saw you smile when saw me too, and I couldn’t help but think it was me that brought out the worst in you
But, Baby, I didn’t mean to get under your skin like that
Could you scream into a pillow?
Take a deep breath, maybe count to 10?
Cause, Baby, I feel hollow
|
||||
9. |
Disappoint You
03:29
|
|||
Disappoint you
I don’t wanna disappoint you
And, it’s not a question of ‘if’, fuck no, it’s question of ‘when’
And, if the past 7 years weren’t a total disaster, I don’t know what you want
I don’t know what you’re after
Was there ever a plan?
Was there ever a reason?
You said “Strangle you. you make me wanna strangle you”
And, it’s not a question of ‘if’, I think, it’s question of ‘when’
And, if I’m just a cringeworthy, sad bag of mistakes, will I you empty me out?
Do i have what it takes?
What’s gonna be left?
Are we nearing completion?
I know I can be replaced
And so, it’s not hard to learn to love the bomb these days, cause it’s going off anyways
There are things I would rather do than sit here in a car with you
Where a mild inconvenience set you off in major fucking way
“And so I’m letting it out and you’re keeping it in
And, it feels like everything is turning to shit again
There is nothing left
We are nearing completion”
I know I can be replaced
And so, it’s not hard to learn to love the bomb these days
And it’s going off, going off
I know I can be replaced
And so, it’s not hard to learn to love the bomb these days
But, it’s going off anyways
I know I can be replaced
And so, it’s not hard to learn to love the bomb these days
And, I think it’s gonna blow us the fuck up
I know I can be replaced
And so, it’s not hard to learn to love the bomb these days
But, it’s going off anyways
|
||||
10. |
The Claw
03:21
|
|||
It’s just one of those days: You wanna end all suffering
And, you don’t think it’s a phase
You would like to take off, but your just hovering
You saw the claw and you shook it
Comfortably jammed in a split
You saw the claw, you fuckin’ shook it
Don’t give me that both sides bullshit
“But, it’s alright, there’s no one you can satisfy everybody’s gonna hate your guts if ya do this
It’s alright, they’re all just fucking dead inside
Everybody’s gonna hate your guts if ya do this”
It’s just one of those days: You’re Bleeding out for nothing (bleeding out for nothing), and your boss’ is doing great (so great), and your landlord’s doing even better (so good), and she really doesn’t feel like fixing anything
She says “We’re all gonna die and you’re not even a cog”
I guess I won’t try and wait to get fucked
“It’s alright, there’s no one you can satisfy
Everybody’s gonna hate your guts if ya do this
It’s alright, they’re all just fucking dead inside
Everybody’s gonna hate your guts if ya do this”
You saw the claw and you shook it
“It’s alright, there’s no one you can satisfy
Everybody’s gonna hate your guts if ya do this
It’s alright, they’re all just fucking dead inside
Everybody’s gonna hate ya
Everybody’s gonna hate your guts if ya do this”
|
||||
11. |
The Best I Can Do
05:06
|
|||
Goodmorning, dirty sheets and tightness in the chest
Count to 10 and focus on the breath
40-minute showers, 40-minutes to relax
Meditate and cry for what feels like forever
I’m free and I guess I have to work real hard for that
I’m free, I think, most of the time
This week I’m sorta drinking from the cup
This week I kept myself from fucking up
It ain’t one for the book and it ain’t one for the shredder
There’s couple of ups and that shit fucking matters
I’m free and I guess I have to work real hard for that
I’m free, I think, most of the time I’ve been told “you can make it if you want it”
But, I don’t really believe in anything
No, I can’t wait for it
I don’t know if it’s dawning, but it’s the best I can do
Rummage around for a calling or a new point of view
It’s radical to live in the present, to return to place that you knew, they told me not to invest in
But, then I saw it in you
And, I think starting to feel it too
Congratu-fucking-lations, you’re in luck!
The net weight of existence isn’t much
As of now, I’m little more alive than before and whatever I wanted last year, I don’t want anymore
I don’t know if it’s dawning, but it’s the best I can do
Rummage around for a calling or a new point of view
It’s radical to live in the present, to return to place that you knew, they told me not to invest in
But, then I saw it in you
And, I think starting to see it too
Another decade of sentience and I gutted it
Hell, you can’t say I haven’t tried
I guess the universality of mid-twenties debauchery, means we all carry a piece inside
Is this coming to terms with worst of it?
Or, just a well-deserved break?
In a world that will just take what it can take, I know you’re feeling it too
What the hell, I know you’re felt it too when it got harder and harder, but I’ll find a way
Let me just sweat this one out
Let me out of this place
Well, shit got harder and harder, but I’ll find a way
Let me just sweat this one out
Sweat this one out
|
Streaming and Download help
If you like Bony Macaroni, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp